


"Pilot"

by A_Cola_Product (lesbianbatgirl)



Series: Avengers Sitcom [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 18:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2860292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianbatgirl/pseuds/A_Cola_Product
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony bullies Steve into living in the Avengers Tower, meanwhile Bucky gets help from the other Avengers while settling into civilian (ish) life.</p><p>OR: I tried my hand at writing an Avengers Sitcom script.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Pilot"

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a Christmas present for illuminirk on tumblr.

 
    
    
     EXT. STARK TOWER -- NIGHT                                        
                                                                               
              Sweeping shots of Stark Tower’s exterior, the glowing ’A’        
              clearly visible. A skeletal structure of a ’V’ is being          
              built beside it.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                             (V.O.)                                            
                        You all know my story. Captain                         
                        America, the man out of time.                          
                        Frozen for 70 years, recently                          
                        dethawed in the 21st century.                          
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STARK TOWER -- NIGHT                                        
                                                                               
              The AVENGERS (Steve, Tony, Natasha, Bruce, Thor, Clint)          
              lounge around, laughing and chatting with each other.            
              Hanging out and for a second we’d almost believe they’re         
              normal people. And then TONY has an ARM of the Iron Man suit     
              on and we all remember. These idiots are superheroes.            
                                                                               
              Now we have a shot focused on STEVE, LAUGHING, smiling,          
              genuinely enjoying himself.                                      
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                             (cont’d)                                          
                        I was friendless when I woke up                        
                        from the ice. But after New York, I                    
                        guess you could say I made a few                       
                        new ones.                                              
                                                                               
              Cut to NATASHA resting her head on Steve’s shoulder, then        
              looking up and whispering something to him, smirking.            
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        But I haven’t really had a proper                      
                        home. So when Tony Stark asked me                      
                        to move in with him...                                 
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT -- DAY                                    
                                                                               
              REVEAL: STEVE stands in the middle of his bare-bones             
              apartment, arms folded and addressing the camera.                                                      
                                                                               
              STEVE TALKING HEAD                                               
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                             (cont’d, no longer voice over)                    
                        I said no.
    
    
                        It’s not that I don’t like Stark or                    
                        anything. It’s just that I don’t...                    
                        like him.                                              
                                                                               
              BUCKY wanders into the back of the frame, sitting down in        
              the background. He looks up, startled by the cameras.            
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Are they supposed to be here?                          
                                                                               
              Steve turns around and waves at him.                             
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Yeah, it’s cool, Buck. Don’t worry                     
                        about it. Just pretend like they’re                    
                        not even here.                                         
                                                                               
              Steve turns back to the cameras, shit-eating grin on his         
              face.                                                            
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Also, I’m harboring a wanted                           
                        fugitive.                                              
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT KITCHEN -- DAY                            
                                                                               
              Steve sits down across from Bucky at the table.                  
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        How you doing, Buck?                                   
                                                                               
              Bucky looks up.                                                  
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Fine. Good, I’m fine.                                  
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Good. That’s good... No nightmares?                    
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Well, yeah.                                            
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        What about flashbacks?                                 
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Well, that kinda comes with the                        
                        ’recovering amnesic’ thing.                            
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Panic attacks?                                         
                                                                               
              Bucky cringes.                                                   
    
    
    
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Didn’t realize this was an                             
                        interrogation.                                         
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Then why did you say you were fine?                    
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        I don’t know. I don’t know, but you                    
                        don’t typically respond to "How you                    
                        doing?" with the truth. The grocery                    
                        store clerk asks me "How you                           
                        doing?" and I’m not about tell him                     
                        I’m an ex-Hydra assassin born in                       
                        1917 so sometimes I get panic                          
                        attacks and have vivid flashbacks                      
                        of me murdering innocent people.                       
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Bucky--                                                
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Just a tip. What you tell your                         
                        grocer is your business.                               
                                                                               
              Steve looks at Bucky, contemplating chewing him out, but         
              gives up.                                                        
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Natasha said she wanted to talk to                     
                        you. Gave me an address, if you                        
                        think you can go there on your own?                    
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        What am I, twelve?                                     
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        I know, I just... wanted to make                       
                        sure you’d be okay.                                    
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Just give me the address.                              
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. CHURCH BASEMENT -- DAY                                      
                                                                               
              Two men sit in the background, in a circle of four of five       
              chairs.                                                          
                                                                               
              NATASHA TALKING HEAD                                                     
    
    
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Steve thinks he’s being subtle                         
                        about keeping Bucky in his house by                    
                        only telling me. Except literally                      
                        everyone knows Bucky lives with                        
                        Steve.                                                 
                                                                               
                        Bucky _has_ been getting better. But                     
                        he’s still a wanted fugitive.                          
                        Luckily for Steve, I’ve put                            
                        together a team to help him get                        
                        back on his feet.                                      
                                                                               
              She smiles, turning back half-way to look at the two men         
              behind her.                                                      
                                                                               
              BRUCE TALKING HEAD                                               
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Natasha’s very sweet about trying                      
                        to help Sergeant Barnes. I’m happy                     
                        to help however I can, though I’m                      
                        not sure I’m the best person for                       
                        the job.                                               
                                                                               
              CLINT TALKING HEAD                                               
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        Nat told me there’d be free food.                      
                                                                               
              cut back to NATASHA                                              
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                             (to herself)                                      
                        I forgot to get the food for Clint.                    
                                                                               
              Noise on the stairs; then BUCKY enters the room. He pauses       
              in the doorway, hesitant to enter.                               
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Steve made me come.                                    
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        I’m glad you’re here, James.                           
                        Welcome to the support group.                          
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Support group?                                         
                                                                               
              Bruce half-smiles and Clint half-waves. Clint looks more         
              reluctant now, given the lack of food.
    
    
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Trust me, don’t worry, we’re pretty                    
                        tame. We’re the                                        
                        Alternate-personality or                               
                        Brainwashed And Did Awful Shit                         
                        Support-group. Or A-BADASS.                            
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        You guys really like your acronyms,                    
                        don’t you?                                             
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        I don’t know what you’re referring                     
                        to.                                                    
                                                                               
              Bucky considers challenging her on it, then decides it isn’t     
              worth it and presses his lips together, half-assing a smile.     
                                                                               
              Natasha turns back to the other two in the group.                
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Wanna introduce yourself, fellas?                      
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Bruce Banner. Physicist.                               
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                             (cutting in)                                      
                        And also the Hulk.                                     
                                                                               
              Natasha sighs, shooting Clint a look, and he seems               
              embarrassed that he made Nat irritated at him.                   
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Yes. And also that.                                    
                                                                               
              He bites his lip and looks at Clint, waiting.                    
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        Clint Barton. Former S.H.I.E.L.D.                      
                        agent.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                             (to Bucky)                                        
                        All three of us have something in                      
                        common that we think might help                        
                        you, James.                                            
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        What’s that?                                           
    
    
    
                                  CLINT                                        
                        Brainwashing and alter-egos that                       
                        killed people. You know, the title                     
                        of the club.                                           
                                                                               
              Beat, then:                                                      
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                             (to Natasha)                                      
                        You said the three of you? Bruce,                      
                        Clint, and _you_?                                        
                                                                               
              Natasha nods, but doesn’t give further details.                  
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        Pull up a chair, Barnes.                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STARK TOWER -- DAY                                          
                                                                               
              TONY STARK stands at one of his computers, frowning. It’s        
              the design for the ’Captain America’ floor, finished but         
              clearly unoccupied and bare-bones. He glances at the camera.     
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        I’ve been trying to get Steve to                       
                        move in with us for a week now...                      
                        So I think it’s time to call in the                    
                        big guns.                                              
                                                                               
              He flips open his phone.                                         
                                                                               
                                                                               
              EXT. STREET-- DAY                                                
                                                                               
              Nat, Clint, Bruce, and Bucky walk down the street, all           
              holding ice cream cones.                                         
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        I thought this was going to be a                       
                        group where we talked about                            
                        feelings and shit. Or that’s what                      
                        Steve was trying to paint it off                       
                        as.                                                    
                                                                               
              Natasha and Clint share a LOOK, then burst into LAUGHTER.        
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        No.                                                    
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        God no.
    
    
                                                          
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        We’d never do that to you.                             
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Then what were you planning,                           
                        exactly? Because I was under the                       
                        ’talking about feelings’ impression                    
                        as well.                                               
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Hanging out with people who’ve had                     
                        shared life experiences is relaxing                    
                        enough. No one needs to deal with                      
                        their crap.                                            
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        Plus, keep it all buried and it                        
                        eventually comes flooding out in a                     
                        spurt of violent aggression.                           
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        It can be useful.                                      
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        If you can keep a lid on it until                      
                        you’re dealing with the bad guys.                      
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        I feel like this is the opposite of                    
                        what Steve wanted me to learn from                     
                        you.                                                   
                                                                               
              Natasha’s phone chirps with a text message. She looks down,      
              irritated.                                                       
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Stark’s calling me in. Sorry. Keep                     
                        up the good work, burying feelings.                    
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STARK TOWER -- DAY                                          
                                                                               
              Natasha enters through the elevator. TONY STARK stands at        
              the computer table. He glances up when she arrives.              
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Romanoff.                                              
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Stark. 
    
    
                                  TONY                                         
                        Romanoff.                                              
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Stark.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Ro--                                                   
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        What do you want? And it better not                    
                        be--                                                   
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        I want you to talk Steve into                          
                        moving in.                                             
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                             (con’t)                                           
                        That. [beat] Tony, I can’t bribe                       
                        Steve into moving in with you.                         
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Yes, you can.                                          
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t pay its                           
                        employees for shit. So, no, I                          
                        can’t.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        You don’t have to use your money,                      
                        you can use mine.                                      
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Also, Steve Rogers is                                  
                        incorruptible.                                         
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Come on, you don’t believe that.                       
                                                                               
              NATASHA TALKING HEAD                                             
                                                                               
              [beat]                                                           
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Okay, fine I don’t believe that.                       
                        There  is the whole Bucky thing, but                    
                        Tony doesn’t know about Bucky. Tony                    
                        is the only one who doesn’t know                       
                        about Bucky.                                           
                                                                               
              TONY TALKING HEAD
    
    
                                  TONY                                         
                        I know about Bucky.                                    
                                                                               
              cut back to Tony & Nat                                           
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        What do you want me to do, Stark?                      
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Find Steve’s weakness and help me                      
                        exploit it.                                            
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                             (con’t)                                           
                        And why should I do it?                                
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Because I’ll pay you.                                  
                                                                               
              Natasha looks unconvinced and a little concerned.                
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Because you know Steve and Bucky                       
                        being here would help both of them                     
                        out?                                                   
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Warmer.                                                
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Because I’ll owe you one? And so                       
                        will Steve, in the long run?                           
                                                                               
              Natasha shakes her head.                                         
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        I’ll let Clint keep a dog in the                       
                        tower.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        I’ll see what I can do.                                
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STREET - DAY                                                
                                                                               
              BRUCE, CLINT, and BUCKY continue to walk down the street.        
              Clint is the only one still with an ice-cream cone.              
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        I’m getting another one.
    
    
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Be my guest.                                           
                                                                               
              Clint rushes off back up the street.                             
                                                                               
              Bruce gestures to a bench and he and Bucky sit down.             
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        I know Clint and Natasha are                           
                        against the discussion of feelings                     
                        in favor of violence, but if you...                    
                        wanted to talk.                                        
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Not really.                                            
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        I just know... it can be hard not                      
                        know how to atone. If that’s what                      
                        you feel like you have to do.                          
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        You’re the Hulk, right? So you...                      
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Lose control and turn into a                           
                        monster capable of quite a bit of                      
                        desctruction. It’d be impressive,                      
                        if it wasn’t... violent.                               
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Yeah. But you can use the Hulk for                     
                        good. You’ve figured out how to do                     
                        that?                                                  
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Yes. And you can... You can be used                    
                        for good too, you know. I know                         
                        they’re not letting you on the                         
                        team, but maybe you could do more                      
                        civilian things?                                       
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        What type of things?                                   
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Charities, volunteer work. You                         
                        might like it. It’s what I did for                     
                        awhile, before the Avengers.                           
                                                                               
              Clint rushes up to them, a three ice cream cones juggled         
              between his hands.                                               
    
    
                                  CLINT                                        
                        They still had that buy one get one                    
                        free thing going on and so I had to                    
                        get you both new cones while I was                     
                        at it. I think I got your flavors.                     
                        Buck, you were cookie dough, right?                    
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT -- DAY                                    
                                                                               
              Steve does laundry at the kitchen table, his back to Natasha     
              who stands behind the counter.                                   
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        How did things go with Bucky?                          
                                                                               
              Natasha slips up onto the countertop, legs dangling over the     
              edge casually.                                                   
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Good. I think talking about our                        
                        feelings helps.                                        
                                                                               
              Steve turns back to look at her, eyebrows raised.                
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        I’m kidding.                                           
                                                                               
              Steve turns back to the laundry, rolling his eyes.               
                                                                               
              Natasha looks up at Steve, certain he won’t look around and      
              begins to go through the pile of mail on the counter.            
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                             (con’t)                                           
                        We all stood around for about ten                      
                        minutes not talking about our                          
                        problems and then we gave up and                       
                        decided to go get ice cream.                           
                                                                               
              She glances up, making sure Steve is still preoccupied.          
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        You bought him ice cream instead of                    
                        group therapy?                                         
                                                                               
              Natasha finds one piece of mail particularly interesting and     
              reads through it quickly, while still chatting                   
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                             (cont’d, distracted)                              
                        I had no idea Bucky was such a huge                    
                        fan of cookie dough.                                                                
    
    
                                                                               
              She shoves it back on the table as Steve turns around.           
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        I mean. Do you think it helped him?                    
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Small steps. It’s a start, at                          
                        least. Nothing is going to be fixed                    
                        overnight, but I think just getting                    
                        to hang out with new people is a                       
                        nice change.                                           
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STARK TOWER -- NIGHT                                        
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Steve’s rent is overdue.                               
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Why would his rent be overdue?                         
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        S.H.I.E.L.D. don’t pay for shit.                       
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Right.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        So you’re actually going to                            
                        blackmail him into living with you                     
                        by telling him he has no other                         
                        place to go... That’s kinda cold,                      
                        even for you.                                          
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        In the long run, he’ll thank me.                       
                        He’ll look back and say ’Tony, you                     
                        were right.’                                           
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Are you hallucinating in this                          
                        fantasy future?                                        
                                                                               
              Steve enters from the elevator, looking around, a bit            
              confused.                                                        
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        You wanted to see me?                                  
                                                                               
              Natasha gives Tony a look, turning around to face him, arms      
              folded.                                                          
    
    
                                  TONY                                         
                        You’re a super spy; you were going                     
                        to find something on him. I just                       
                        came prepared.                                         
                                                                               
              Steve moves within earshot and Tony turns his attention from     
              Nat to Steve.                                                    
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Hey, Steve.                                            
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Besides, you’re isolated from the                      
                        rest of us, all the way down in                        
                        D.C. A little more team comradery                      
                        couldn’t hurt, Cap.                                    
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STARK TOWER -- DAY                                          
                                                                               
              The Avengers walk into the tower, all looking thoroughly         
              exhausted. Bruce is shirtless.                                   
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Next time I tell you to duck,                          
                        please duck.                                           
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        I thought you were talking about                       
                        the bird.                                              
                                                                               
              Camera pans over to...                                           
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                             (to Steve)                                        
                        Wouldn’t it be nice if all your                        
                        stuff was already here and you                         
                        didn’t have to drive all the way                       
                        back to DC?                                            
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        I like the drive.                                      
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Steve--                                                
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        I’m not moving in with you and I’ll                    
                        find another way to pay my rent.                       
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Really?                                                
    
    
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Yes, and I have a lot of reasons to                    
                        stay in DC. The Smithsonian is                         
                        there, SHIELD stuff is there. And                      
                        my dog.                                                
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        You have a dog?                                        
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Yeah, I have a dog. He’s very...                       
                        fluffy. And patriotic.                                 
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                             (to Clint)                                        
                        He doesn’t have a dog. But Tony                        
                        said you could get one.                                
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        Really?                                                
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Yes, it was my negotiated price in                     
                        exchange for betraying various                         
                        friendships.                                           
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        And that’s exactly why you’re my--                     
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        I know Bucky is living with you,                       
                        Steve.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Who the hell is Bucky?                                 
                                                                               
              Natasha and Tony look at the camera, deadpan expressions         
              _Steve, are you serious did you seriously just say that?_          
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Okay, fine, maybe there’s been...                      
                        someone at my apartment. Staying                       
                        with me. And maybe that person is--                    
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        A wanted fugitive. Steve, you’re                       
                        harboring an ex-assassin.                              
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        None of it was his fault.                              
    
    
    
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Yeah, I don’t care. Just move in.                      
                        He can stay too, if you want. He                       
                        doesn’t get his own floor or                           
                        anything though, you’ll have to                        
                        share.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Wh-- My own _floor_?                                     
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        Yeah. I mean... It makes sense that                    
                        way. Keep all your gadgets in one                      
                        place. Briefing room at the top.                       
                        Still working on getting ’Avengers’                    
                        at the topic the tower, but it’s a                     
                        work in progress.                                      
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        You’re serious about this?                             
                                                                               
              Tony shrugs.                                                     
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Just... [sighs, caving in] let me                      
                        run it by Bucky.                                       
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT KITCHEN -- 1AM                            
                                                                               
              STEVE TALKING HEAD                                               
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        I know Bucky really likes the                          
                        apartment here and this area, but I                    
                        think maybe Tony has a point about                     
                        us getting back to New York and                        
                        being with the rest of the team.                       
                        [Beat] Don’t tell him I said that.                     
                                                                               
              BUCKY enters the kitchen again, WHISTLING. He looks at           
              Steve, startled.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                             (stiffly)                                         
                        Steve. I didn’t know you were going                    
                        to be here.                                            
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Yeah, hey, are you busy? We need to                    
                        talk.                                                  
    
    
    
                                                                               
              Cut to: Steve and Bucky sit across from each other at the        
              kitchen table, hands close. They basically look like a           
              couple talking out relationship drama.                           
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        So I have something to talk to you                     
                        about.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Yeah, I got that.                                      
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        So... Tony’s been harassing me--                       
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Tony’s been harassing you?                             
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Not... badly. Just... He wants all                     
                        the Avengers in Stark Tower                            
                        together and I’m the last holdout.                     
                        And I thought I’d be able to tell                      
                        him to screw off until he gave up,                     
                        but then he found out about our                        
                        rent problems and--                                    
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        We have rent problems?                                 
                                                                               
              An "oh shit I forgot to mention that" expression appears on      
              Steve’s face.                                                    
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        No, no of course not we would be                       
                        fine, if--                                             
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        If? Are you-- You’re going, aren’t                     
                        you?                                                   
                                                                               
              Bucky gets up from the table abruptly, knocking it over in       
              his rush.                                                        
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Wait, Buck, it’s not--                                 
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        It’s fine, Steve.                                      
                                                                               
              Bucky rushes out the door, tearing it off on its hinges as       
              he goes.                                                         
                                                                               
              Steve is left staring at the gaping hole in his wall, face       
              broken.                                                                    
    
    
                                                                               
              INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT -- FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER                  
                                                                               
              The Avengers (plus a sleepy-looking Sam Wilson) have all         
              gathered, squished together in Steve’s apartment.                
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        So let me get this straight... your                    
                        boyfriend disappears after you have                    
                        a fight and you call all of us to                      
                        come look for him?                                     
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        He ran off because he thought I was                    
                        ditching him to go live with you.                      
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        I can’t believe any of you are                         
                        straight.                                              
                                                                               
              Steve gives Nat a look (because excuse you, Steve Rogers is      
              a straight as a rainbow slinky), but before he can open his      
              mouth, he’s cut off by...                                        
                                                                               
                                  SAM                                          
                        So what can we do to help, since                       
                        you got us up at this hour?                            
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Sorry about that.                                      
                                                                               
                                  SAM                                          
                        You called me at 2am saying it was                     
                        a family emergency. I assumed                          
                        someone was dying, not going for a                     
                        late-night stroll, but I’m up now,                     
                        so...                                                  
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        I figure if we split up, we can                        
                        cover more ground to look for him.                     
                        Clint, you--                                           
                                                                               
                                  CLINT                                        
                        I got the dog park.                                    
                                                                               
              Clint jumps up, bolting out of the room.                         
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Okay. Um, Tony, Sam, you want to                       
                        fly up and look for him from above.                    
                        Bruce, you can hulk out and scare                      
                        people into telling Nat where they                     
                        are and--
    
    
              Steve looks increasingly frazzled. Natasha slides up beside      
              him.                                                             
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        How about this? You’ll stay here in                    
                        case he comes back and the rest of                     
                        us will split up and look around a                     
                        couple of blocks here and if he                        
                        isn’t back by morning, we’ll resort                    
                        to more drastic measures.                              
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        Yeah, yeah that sounds like a--                        
                        Good plan, Nat.                                        
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Thank you, Steve.                                      
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                             (to the others)                                   
                        So... What she said.                                   
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Bruce, you wanna make Steve a cup                      
                        of tea?                                                
                                                                               
                                                                               
              EXT. STREET -- 2:30AM                                            
                                                                               
              Tony and Sam wander around the street, clearly not super         
              comfortable with each other.                                     
                                                                               
                                  SAM                                          
                        Have we ever met? Like properly?                       
                                                                               
                                  TONY                                         
                        You’re Wilson, right?                                  
                                                                               
                                  SAM                                          
                             (nods)                                            
                        Stark.                                                 
                                                                               
                                                                               
              EXT. DOG PARK -- 2:30AM                                          
                                                                               
              Close up of Clint on a park bench, a look of disappointment      
              on his face.                                                     
                                                                               
              Cut out to reveal there are apparently no dogs in the dog        
              park at 2:30am. A SIGN reads:                                    
                                                                               
              HOURS 6AM-9PM                                                    
    
    
    
              EXT. STREET CORNER                                               
                                                                               
              Bruce is the only one actually doing anything, pausing to        
              stop people on the street.                                       
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Have you seen a man?                                   
                                                                               
              The woman blinks at him. Bruce realizes how vague his            
              description was.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Have you seen a man with a metal                       
                        arm? About this tall? [makes a                         
                        height gesture] Brown hair? No?                        
                                                                               
              The woman shakes her head                                        
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Thank you for your time, anyway.                       
                                                                               
              He rushes off down the street to talk to a man                   
                                                                               
                                  BRUCE                                        
                        Hey, have you seen a man with a                        
                        metal arm?                                             
                                                                               
                                                                               
              EXT. COFFEE SHOP PATIO- NIGHT                                    
                                                                               
              Natasha walks up the street and hops over the rope barrier,      
              intentionally catching her leg on the rope and knocking over     
              the stanchion it’s attached to.                                  
                                                                               
              A few people turn around to look, BUCKY being closest to         
              Natasha.                                                         
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        James. I thought you’d be here.                        
                                                                               
              cue flashback:                                                   
                                                                               
                                                                               
              EXT. COFFEE SHOP PATIO- EARLIER THAT NIGHT                       
                                                                               
              Bucky and Natasha hop over the rope barrier; Bucky knocks        
              down said rope and stanchion. He swears, Natasha smirks.         
                                                                               
              Natasha and Bucky sit across from each other, chatting.          
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Sorry I had to leave earlier. Turns                    
                        out it was a false alarm. Stark                        
                                  (MORE)                                       
    
    
    
                                  NATASHA (cont’d)                             
                        thinks we’re all at his beck and                       
                        call, just because he gives us free                    
                        rent and food and occasionally                         
                        spending money.                                        
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        This place is really quiet. It’s                       
                        nice.                                                  
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        It’s far enough out of the way,                        
                        most people ignore it. I’m pretty                      
                        sure the place runs on SHIELD                          
                        money, because no one is ever                          
                        around except me and maybe two or                      
                        three others.                                          
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Thanks for showing me.                                 
                                                                               
              Natasha smiles at him.                                           
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Relax, James. It’s what we’re here                     
                        for. And hey, if you ever want to                      
                        get away from Steve, here might be                     
                        good a place.                                          
                                                                               
              Bucky has a bit of a lovestruck puppy love look on his face.     
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY- ALSO EARLIER THAT NIGHT                  
                                                                               
              Bucky WHISTLING as he walks in the door to see Steve.            
                                                                               
                                                                               
              EXT. COFFEE SHOP PATIO- NIGHT                                    
                                                                               
              Natasha sits across from Bucky, arms folded.                     
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        So. Steve tells me you didn’t take                     
                        the news of him moving all that                        
                        well.                                                  
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        He wants to go live with Stark,                        
                        it’s fine with me. Just... being                       
                        homeless isn’t exactly at the top                      
                        of my list.   
    
    
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        He wasn’t going to ditch you,                          
                        moron.                                                 
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        What?                                                  
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Stark told Steve he could bring you                    
                        with him. That’s the only way he’d                     
                        have agreed to moving in. You’re                       
                        not homeless.                                          
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Steve-- He did that for me?                            
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                             (to herself)                                      
                        Boys are idiots.                                       
                             (to Bucky)                                        
                        Yes, Steve refused to live with                        
                        Stark on the grounds he couldn’t                       
                        take you with him, until Tony told                     
                        him otherwise and also promised him                    
                        a lifetime of no rent.                                 
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        I can’t believe he did that for                        
                        me...                                                  
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        If you think that’s ridiculous, you                    
                        should know Steve called all of us                     
                        in to go looking for you at 2 in                       
                        the morning after your little                          
                        vanishing stunt.                                       
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        He what?                                               
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        He’s probably crying in his                            
                        apartment as we speak.                                 
                                                                               
                                                                               
              INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT - 3AM                                     
                                                                               
              Steve sits on a sofa, huddled under a blanket. He’s nodding      
              off, holding an i-pod that’s playing soothing music Sam          
              probably definitely downloaded for him.  
    
    
    
              EXT. COFFEE SHOP PATIO- 3AM                                      
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Do we have to go tell him I’m okay                     
                        right away?                                            
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Nah, he’ll be fine. Sam gives him                      
                        free therapy. Plus, I haven’t even                     
                        ordered yet.                                           
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Okay, good.                                            
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        What’s wrong, James?                                   
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        This whole time                                        
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        Hey, you’ll find.                                      
                                                                               
              Bucky considers for a moment, then gets up.                      
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        We should probably go tell Steve I                     
                        didn’t get hit by a car or go on a                     
                        murder spree.                                          
                                                                               
              Natasha gets up, starts to sling her arm around Bucky’s          
              shoulders but reconsiders with height difference and settles     
              for slinging it around his waist.                                
                                                                               
              The pair of them clumsily hop over the stanchion, actually       
              managing to avoid knocking it over.                              
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                             (musing)                                          
                        I think Steve might appreciate                         
                        that.                                                  
                                                                               
              The camera stays focused on the table even after they’ve         
              left the shot. A moment later...                                 
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        Shit!                                                  
                                                                               
              Bucky runs back into screen and tosses a twenty on the           
              table, then scrambles back to the street, knocking over the      
              stanchion yet again.  
    
    
    
              INT. BUCKY’S ROOM, STARK TOWER - DAY                             
                                                                               
              Steve and Natasha stand in the doorway with MOVING BOXES.        
                                                                               
                                  STEVE                                        
                        You sure you got this on your own,                     
                        Buck?                                                  
                                                                               
                                  BUCKY                                        
                        I’m fine. I got this.                                  
                                                                               
              Natasha sets her box down on the floor.                          
                                                                               
                                  NATASHA                                      
                        There’s a super smash brothers                         
                        tournament on Clint’s floor at 3,                      
                        if you two old fogies are up for                       
                        it.                                                    
                                                                               
              Steve smiles, setting his box down and following her out of      
              the room after shooting one last look at Bucky.                  
                                                                               
              Bucky watches them leave, then closes the door.                  
                                                                               
              MUSIC (Shake It Off by Taylor Swift) starts to play. Montage     
              of Bucky opening boxes, taking out items wrapped in paper.       
                                                                               
              In a minute, he sits in a pile of brown moving paper and         
              assorted weaponry and old timey magazines/books. He sets up      
              the books on a shelf. Weapons are stored in various shelves      
              and covered under clothes. He comes to a last box and tilts      
              his head.                                                        
                                                                               
              He pulls something out. A poster. He turns it around to look     
              at the back, where something is written, but the camera cuts     
              so we can’t see what it is.                                      
                                                                               
              A note is written on it:                                         
                                                                               
              HOPE THIS HELPS YOU SETTLE IN. LOVE, NAT                         
                                                                               
              Bucky grabs some leftover packing tape and puts the thing        
              up. He stands back to admire his work: a "Hang In There"         
              kitty poster.                                                    
                                                                               
              He smiles.                                                       
                                                                               
                                                                   THE END 


End file.
